Georgetterox

If there’s a place for me to run to, I’ll prefer my Grandma’s place. There are a lotta reasons why I love it, coz:

1.       That’s the place where I could eat all the food at the table without must provide the stock for the guest lounge.

2.       How messy I jigger the house into look like a T-rex slaughters the Titanic, I’d never been pissed up.

3.       Grandma loves me like her own granddaughter

(of course! Whose granddaughter do you think you are, Vic?!)

And thanx to my very seldom staying, considering that I’m a disaffected granddaughter that often forgets to go home, my arrival’s always welcomed with opened hands.

Not just by my Grandma, but also by my Grandma’s nieces.

“Vicky! How are you doing? Oh, you’re so grown up, Kiddo!

Here, my boy’s often caught a cold, would you like to examine him up, please?”

OK, so my arrival’s used as a roadshow doctor. The New Order vocab is, in-village doctor.

(Indonesian: Dokter masuk desa).

It’s not that bad. Then the discussion will turn to the weather.

“Yes, the season’s not really clear at the moment, sometimes it rains, but sometimes it dries, too.

But you’re still pretty though this hot weather?”

Confuses me about the correlation between the hot weather vs pretty.

Usually I just say, “Yes, Tante, coz I always eat vegetables and fruits, that’s why I’m this smoothly transparent like this..” Thank’s for my mom for not being here, coz if she heard this, she might had vomited.

She’s spent the half of her life to pursuing me for having me to eat vegetables.

By the way about pretty, suddenly this niece speaks,

“Oh, well, now I have great lipsticks for parties make up. Just try it, you must be more prettier.

Look at these, I have raspberry colors, I have the cherry red, I have the pink fuschia..”

And not more than in five seconds, she grasped her bag and put out a bunch of lipsticks on the table.

Dunno what brand they are, but there are a lot kinda reds.

In the name of platitude, I laugh out loud. “Oh, thank you, Tante, I still have lots of mine..”

But my Grandma’s niece is still excited for showing her stuffs.

“Ah, don’t worry, just try it on! Who knows it suits you, not bad, huh? Beside, it costs not much!”

Then she looks at my lips correctly like she-know-it-all, “I think you look best in this color. Would you?

It only costs *beeeep!* (censored!, Red) rupiahs.

They’ll sell much more expensively at the Body Shop, but for you, Kiddo, I’ll give 20% discount. For family..” she says with familihood voice but insisting tone like Tanahabang vendors.

Exact. Coz I’m the family, so she asks me to buy her merchandises.

And I’m still astonished how the murmur topic could change from the flu son into the lipstick trade only in three minutes. I’m trying to talk about her flu son back, but she remains insisting me to try on her lipsticks.

Damn! I look aside, where da hell is Grandma? This is not her niece I’m talking to.

I must tell her that a saleswoman has crept undercover into the house and make up like her niece.

I’m going home to Grandma’s coz I wanna meet Grandma and the family, but why then am I pushed for buying lipstick?

“Why must this family relationship turn into a trade business?”

If I don’t buy the lipstick, then I ain’t a good family?

Or, should I buy the lipstick so she can buy the medicine for her flu son?

At the moment, the old lady comes up. “Vicky! Why don’t you enjoy the food at the table?

Eat them all up! You’re never coming here, so you never taste my bitterballen! C’mon, grab them up now!”

Of course I get up and dash my Grandma’s balls.  I just eat them lots, make my lips full of crumb.

“Ugh.. it’s delicious! Nyam..nyam.. Eyang, can I have it more, please?”

“Of course you can! I still have more in the kitchen! Wait, I’ll get them for you!”

I don’t reply her, coz my mouth’s too full of bitterballen.

But I still can wave to my grandma’s niece to offer them to her. Would you like to have them?

LOL.. if my mouth’s full with food like this, is she still gonna push me to try her lipstick?

It means.. I don’t have to buy them?

Yess! Luv ya, Grandma. You really always save my life!

Everybody loves kissing.

By mouth, by nose, even some people do it by the holes at the body that inappropriate for me to mention here. Kiss  has amazing effect for things.

You wanna transverse a friendship into an intimate relationship, just do the kiss.

You wanna cool down an anger, just kiss him. You wanna piss up someone, just kiss him.

Believe it or not, try it yourself!

Haven’t I mentioned that kissing is the most honest intimacy?

The truth is, kiss mustn’t done at inappropriate places.

At your mother-in-law’s place, for example, don’t even try to kiss your darling there.

Especially if the one that you kiss is not your darling, but your mother-in-law’s.

If you can’t kiss your darling at your mother-in-law’s place, then don’t do it on the road.

Not coz afraid of 200 million rupiahs fine for lust at public, but coz you don’t want the cars hit you.

It’s road!

And don’t even mind to kiss at the zoo.

Coz how good the way you kiss, the animals still kiss much better and harder than you.

Especially don’t even try to kiss in the tigers’ cage.

Not only the zoo’s visitors will yell at you, but you might will be yelled by the officials including the habitants. The tigers,  I mean.

So why now am I getting you to talk about kissing at inappropriate places?

Coz we’ve been spending too much time to defend ourselves when we’re accused of kissing or cuddling or whatever at the unwanted places such as at the mother-in-law’s, on the road, or in the tigers’ cage.

We’ve always said that kissing is for expressing the love, especially in this Valentine month and doing it is an human right to do, that doing it is unaffair if we must be punished by being pissed up by the parent-in-law, being insulted by the public, or being pounced on by the tigers.

But have we ever set ourselves in the position of pissing up, insulting, or pouncing on those ways?

At my place, a 22-year-old man asked for being inhospitalized of chest pain.

But the X-Ray shown that his chest was normal.

As I tried to send him home, suddenly he complained that his stomach was sick.

I had to hold him on coz if he had really got stomachache at home, I could be sued coz obeying the patients’ complaints. The weird thing is, during his inhospitality at my salle, the nurses never saw him stomachache.

He even loved eating the noodles. It meant that he only admitted stomachache when he met me.

I got offended, my face sounded made him sick.

”How could this beautiful face make his stomach ache?”

Then this morning, the 14^th day of his inhospitality at my salle, finally my nurse reports to me cynically, “Doc. How could a dyspnea and stomachache person cuddle up?”

Then I find out that the patient who’s been pretending of being stomachache and chest pain, has just been visited by his girl last night. Then these two doves played huggy to set off the desire.

Of course I got mad.

That’s my fault. I shoulda put an huge X-banner at my office’s door, “NO KISSING HERE!”

Who’s kissing anyway? We’re just playing huggy..

The patient’s behavior drove mad another patient, a 72-year-old-man which coincidentally stayed in the same room. Coz, the old man couldn’t join the cuddling up, LOL!

And he couldn’t play huggy with his own wife, coz he didn’t know which wife he’d ask to.

He’s got two wives, too much wives set the home always in anger, too much anger made his asthma relapse, and the asthma relapse made he must be hospitalized.

And in the room, his asthma was getting worse coz he was jealous to watch his next-bed mate busy of cuddling up.

So angry that made him demand for being moved to the other room, though he must down-grade his facility from the 2^nd class to the 3^rd class.

As I visited him the next morning, I asked him gently, “Why do you wanna move from the last bad, Sir?”

He just answered in madness, “Coz it’s noisy (over there)!”

I must send home the naughty patient. Coz, he’s proved of not being sick.

And then, his behavior bother the other patient’s comfy. And also my authority.

I start to sound like a lawyer.

So now how could the kiss that my patient did, make chaos for me, my nurses, my other patients, and even the whole world.

Kissing is really an human right, but this is the thing where we must do it at only the private places.

Not at the asthma center. Not on the road. Not at the mother-in-law’s place.

Especially, not in the tigers’ cage..!

Yippie.. here comes new year!

Though I’m not an Hokkian, but I was dying for the Chinese new year this week.

Not coz I joined the super-duper Gong-Xi-Fat-Choi great sale in town, but only like any other normal folks, I always love Chinese New Year coz it means.. holiday!

And I luv it more coz the new year came on Thursday.

According to my office which always paused at Saturday, it means.. the Friday is also holiday, too?!

So.. the holiday would last from Thursday through Sunday, it means I would be vacanted for four days! Yippie! Imlek rocks!

But a lot of people related to my work, looked upset coz Chinese new year is held in Thursday.

Imaging Friday as holiday, made some people’s lives get harder.

My patients were confused coz they were scheduled taking their medications at Thursday or Friday, but the insurance office would be paused, so they just could take the medications at Monday.

Though they consulted to me at the Wednesday before the new year, but insurance wouldn’t give the medication before the day that they were supposed to.

So if the patient was suffering at Thursday, then they only could get the medicine at the next Monday.

I wonder how they didn’t die along the four days between.

Not just the drug users were ached of this trapped Friday, but the drugs dealers were upset, too.

If patients didn’t come to doctors, then they wouldn’t buy drugs. So there’s less money for dealers.

That’s why, though this national trapped day gave me a chance for spending more time at home for scrubbing, by having brownies  and watching marathon Sex and the City,  but this day also decreased the pharmaceutical companies’ omzet, and suffered the patients more.

I asked my boss, was it true that this Friday was national trapped day.

The truth is, there’s no days trapped.

Your toe thumb is trapped, or dead rat  is trapped, or anything, but absolutely no days are trapped.

Especially make it nationally stated.

But the boss had received the letter from his boss, and his boss was minister of national security affairs, which said that this Friday was holiday.

So if the boss said holiday, then holiday we must have.

Same like if boss said work, then the work we must do.

I’m just a staff, not a boss, so I prefer obeying my boss. Exactly, that’s what I’m paid for.

“And if you mind about, then that’s your fault of not being the boss.”

But then the President announced at the tv, radio, and papers, Friday wasn’t holiday!

Well, whom would I obey now, the boss of my boss, a minister; or the minister’s boss, a president?

The patient won, the dealer was glad. We remained work.

As I released a patient from an asthma attack that day, she finally could breathe away and said, “Thanks, Doc. How could I live if you were in holiday today?”

Then I never regretted why I said bubbye to my brownies, my scrubs, and Chris Noth.

I still worked at Friday, whadda hell that the days before and after were holidays instead.

But then I realized a thing, I loved when my loyal patients still hunting me, and I love them more when they need me.

Everybody’s satisfied. If it’s the thing it is, then who’ll need the national trapped days?

Why don’t you grab your ruler, then you stand up on your mirror?

If you burnt it in a barbeque on your graduation, why don’t you take a cloth-measurer? You don’t have it?

Why don’t you borrow it from the tailor next door?

If there’s really no tailor near your place, then you’re in big trouble. What if your spandex pants torn up?

Why do you need this measurer? Coz you need it to measure.. your smile. Yes, your smile!

I’m not kidding. Why don’t you do it now on your mirror? How long is your smile?

My boss called me last week coz I was accused of not smiling to a patient.

The patient was offended coz I was considered unfriendly, so they reported me to my boss.

Sometimes it’s hard for me to believe that my boss could sue me just coz I didn’t smile.

Can’t he sue me for another reason, such as coz I park on his place, or coz my heels sound loud at the hospital floor and annoying the patients from their sleeps?

And I wasn’t comfy enough to explain why I didn’t smile.

My reason why I didn’t smile to the patient were:

1. The patient wasn’t handsome enough, and it was a woman. I don’t smile to woman.

I’m not lesbian.

2. The patient was a nurse. It was not a comedian, or even a clown.

So she’s not capacitated to make me smile.

3. The weather was so hot. I sweated and I hadn’t taken a shower. So I didn’t feel well.

4. I was dying for pee.

For all those reasons: ”Nobody deserves accusing me of being unfriendly.”

I’m vexed and decide to measure my smile with a plastic ruler. My face may be edgy.

Then I find out that my lips are just 4 cms long when they don’t smile.

Then I try to remember when I smile.

“Thank you, Doc,”

said a satisfied patient after I wrote her prescription. My smile turned into 5 cms long.

“Vic, let’s go for pizza! I’ll buy you the large one!”

said a friend. My smile widened to 5,5 cms long.

“Vic, you’re pretty,”

said a friend in a party. Well, now my smile was 6 cms long.

Plus bright-shining face of overproud.

Do you know what overproud is? In Indonesian it means ge-er.

OK, let’s remember when my baby used to say, “Vic, I love you.”

 

Practically my smile swelled into 7 cms long. Plus my eyes were glassing. And my flushing face.

But if I didn’t smile, did it make me unfriendly? What about Mona Lisa? 

She smiled so efficiently, just watch the picture here, but why would hundreds people queue for viewing her picture at Louvre?

I don’t think her smile is friendly, she tends to meanie, but why did All 4 One bother to sing about her?

When you smile like Mona Lisa, my heart falls to pieces.. 

Then are smiling people always friendly?

Coz according to Batman movies, Joker always smiles almost 15 cms-long,  but with that smile, he never hesitates to kill people.

OK, now just measure up your smile. If it’s just 3 cms-long, then you deserve to be hung up in Louvre.

But if it’s 15 cms-long, then you might be the new cast of Joker..