Georgetterox

For a quarter-age single, a family gathering could be a severe torture.

That’s the moment when each uncles, aunts, grandmas, and even your Mom, race to push you for getting married.

And I think I’m running out of stock of reasons for replying why I haven’t been married.

“Vicky, that’s your sista gets up to the wedding stage.

Why haven’t you been getting up, either?”

“Bu De, if I got up, too, it’s gonna confuse the bridegroom.

‘Why are there two brides? Then which bride should I sit by?’”

                                          

“Vicky, that’s your sista is already pregnant again.

When will you give me a grand-nephew?”

“Bu De, Mbak’s condom is leaked.

If only she always uses my brand, she won’t get pregnant..”

“Vicky, where da hell is your fiancée?

Why haven’t you taken him to your aunt?”

“Oh, he’s in the rest room.”

“Vicky, it’s been two years in a row you’re always saying that your boyfriend’s in the rest room. Why does he never get out of that place?”

Oops.. I should mix up a new reason now.

“Err.. he’s parking the car.”

“So he comes? Where? Where? I wanna know my future nephew-in-law!”

“Yes, he did. If only I would take him here.”

“Vicky, why d’ya keep kidding me? It’s your time now, Kiddo!

Don’t just hunt for money..”

“Geez, Bu De, I’m hunting the money for paying the chieftain.

Recently, chieftain wants a quarter million on cash for a marrying.

I thought the Book said that marrying is a religious service, then why must we pay the chieftain?

Hey Bu De, what d’ya think if I work part-time as a chieftain?

I can save for buying shoes..”

“Vicky!

What you need now is searching for a chieftain, not being one!”

Damn, now I get it how hard it feels to be a Ringgo Rahman.

Why are all the people busy to order me to get married?

Do they wanna shower me?

Hello.. I’m already 25 now, I can take a shower for myself!

Or.. maybe they all wanna be invited for free dining?

“Oh Lord. I didn’t do anything wrong.

Why should I get married?”

What I love best from the holiday vacation is stopping at a small town, then buying the local souvenirs or foods to share with people at my hometown.

But I love also if a friend travels around and brings me gifts.

For example, my colleague who just returned from celebrating Eid Mubarak at her mom-in-law’s, and back with bakpia to eat together at our office.

I love bakpia, of course, so I didn’t leave a few pieces in vain.

And I was surprised as I opened the bakpia box, I just realized to read the date stamped at the box, 10-11-2007.

What da hell?

The expired date can’t be November 10^th of 2007.

I only notice that the good bakpia only lasts for three days.

Or didn’t it mean November 10^th, but October 11^th. Hey, did she bring the expired bakpia?

Or probably October 11^th wasn’t the expired date, but the production date.

Haah, it’s more than a week ago. Then is this bakpia already old?

As I eat it, damn it, is this bakpia or shoe leather?

 

Maybe my colleague bought the dry bakpia, not the wet one.

But the driest bakpia can’t be this hard.

I began to accuse my colleague bought the bakpia long time ago, then she burnt the bakpia in her microwave at home before bringing them to the office.

However the staffs at my work are so greedy, not just the doctors who love mealing and we’ve almost hypercholesterolemia of it, even the nurses and the cleaning services also eat like cows, so who cares that this food is expired?

Then my cousin went abroad and brought me gift, a body cream that smells so good.

The fragrance is so sweet, till then I realize, that she went to Saudi Arabia, but why did she buy me Victoria’s Secret?

Why didn’t she bring me a musk oil, a Mecca history book, or an Arabic-smell camel?

Maybe coz musk oil is a liquid that can’t enter the plane cabin, she didn’t wanna buy a book with Arabic letters that I’m illiterate in, and a camel  is too big for being included into the plane baggage, so she preferred buying me Victoria’s Secret cream.

But then a few weeks later, I found that cream was displayed at the rack of imported cosmetic at Griya Department Store at my town.

Hahaha, my cousin must has been too busy to pray at Mecca, and she compensated my gift by buying an expensive brand as she arrived at Indonesia.

Or she didn’t often shopping at Griya and she didn’t know that Victoria’s Secret is freely traded at our country.

My aunt went to States and came home with gifts for her nieces and her sistas.

For her sistas, she bought them soaps. For her nieces, she bought bonbons.

Thank God the bonbon written made in California, or I would guess that my aunt bought the bonbon  in one of kids snack counter at Kelapa Gading.

 

Coz the tidiness are exactly the same!

And the soaps that she bought for her sistas, I’ve ever found the same product traded by my friend who worked for multi-level marketing cosmetics business.

It’s OK, mistakes in picking the gifts is commonly belonging to all people.

You should hang out much so you get how to pick up the right gifts to give to your colleagues and your family.

Not just picking up the perfume or fragrant soaps, but also picking up bakpia, bandeng presto, or even steamed-brownies.

Buy the characteristic item of the place that you visit, not the item that you can achieve at your hometown.

So the people that you give to are much happier, and later they’ll ask more gifts.

Remember that the happier one is not the given one, but it should be the giving one, coz happy is the time when you can give to the other person, not by given by the other person.

 

Have a nive gift-shopping! Don’t forget to give me one, so you’ll be happier..!

Like y’Know’All, sometimes you call them sotoy, it drives us crazy.

My cousin, Bree, 29, brought her not-yet-a-year-old girl to the family party.

My niece was so cute, she’d just already learnt to walk around, in a blue set of shirt and pants.

Then my grandma’s sista said, “Why doesn’t that kiddo wear a casual skirt?

What’s she gonna be when she’ll grow up then?

No wonder that’s Bree, such as a mountain girl, she never wears skirt, so how would she dress her girl like a girl?”

Though I wasn’t the momma here, but I was insulted.

What da hell did BuDe say that Bree can’t dress up her girl?

I thought, that’s Bree’s girl anyway, why don’t just let Bree take care about the dress, and BuDe doesn’t need to judge also.

Anyway, Bree is a mountain girl, she works with fossils, how wouldn’t she be boyish into her adventurous job? But is it true that a boyish girl doesn’t care her daughter well?

Then, is it always better to dress a girl in skirt rather than pants?

I rushed in Bree inside the bedroom, coz I couldn’t stand that BuDe affronted her.

I thought, BuDe was sotoy.

Speaking about sotoy, then I remembered my patient.

Once upon a time there came a labour to an hospital at Cibabatstraat due to his dyspnea.

The doctor in the hospital who examined him told the labour that he’s got a cardiac disease, then he was written a prescription and he was told to control next week.

After the labour had the drug, he felt better and he came to control again.

The doctor believed that that the drug worked well, so she told the labour to control just once a month.

But the labour felt hard to control always to the doctor, so he just copied the prescription, then he just bought the drug at the drugstore, and he never returned to Cibabatstraat.

He always did it, till then he felt his dyspnea was getting worse and it never relieved.

He came to an hospital again, a year later, not to Cibabatstraat, but he came to my emergency room, and his face was already blue.

I decided to hospitalize him in the salle and brought the case to my boss.

But in the salle, he just spent a night, and we had to have someone wrap him in winding sheet the next day.

My boss said that his heart was already destroyed coz he had been poisoned by the drug that he had been having on his own that year. The drug named digoxin.

My sotoy patient died ridiculously coz of his own know-all of drugs.

My sotoy BuDe insulted my innocent sista coz my sista dressed her girl in pants.

Then when Bree heard my anger, she just laughed out. “You’re know-all, too,” she said.

I got confused. What?

“Yes. Just think. BuDe is already deteriorated.

She thought that she’s always right, anything disobeyed her is wrong, including undressing a girl in skirt. So what da hell is being angry of her for?

It doesn’t solve the problem, she won’t listen.

But you thought that being angry of her, things are solved, but what happening then, you get more furious, and your chest is more dyspnea like your digoxin patient.

So you’re sotoy, too, hehehe..”

Then my niece peed again. Bree changed her pants instead, with other new pants.

“C’mon, Vic, let it go,” she said calmly. “Just let BuDe grouse around.

You’ve learnt already, that grousing makes her getting old faster.

If she gets old faster, then she’ll die faster.

If she dies faster, then we have her heritage treasure  faster. Hahaha!”

I was astonished again. Not just coz her testimonial’s last point that almost neared the truth.

But also coz my sista is another material girl, not really different from me.

So, being material is familial herited?

Oh, like y’Know’All I am..

Coz this month is apologizing month, I decide to apologize first to Donald Trump.

Coz I’ve copied his quote for my weekly headline.

But I’d like to remind ya that I’m just inspired, not plagiating.

Being inspired, is getting inspiration from somebody else’s creation and rearranging it to be another different one. While plagiating, is being copyat!

Uncle Donald  uses you’re fired! to fire his staffs.

While I don’t have any staff, so whom must I fire?

Exactly, I have to fire some fellas in my address book. Well?

It sounds cruel, but I think firing fellas ain’t crueler than firing a staff.

Firing a staff is eliminating somebody else’s income, and it affects the person’s welfare.

But firing a friend won’t make your friend lose any, so why do you have to worry?

But firing fellas from address book remains hard.

Especially I’ve gathered the address been long time ago since I learnt to use e-mail.

I remember when the first time I have e-mail, I was just got mailed once a month, that’s from my ex who compassed me to sign up.

Now I’ve got ten e-mails daily, and I have to read it carefully one by one, so I can get what being wanted by these senders. My old fellas usually mails me for gossiping.

The newbies who ask for getting acquantated, usually mailed me often almost everyday.

Maybe coz I replied them everyday, too.

But then, the e-mails were getting rarer. Those who mailed everyday, then mailed me once a week.

Till then they never mailed me at all.

I didn’t aware that someone never mailed me anymore, coz I was busier to reply the mails from the nine others. The worst is, if they never mail me, then I never look them back. I can forget them at all.

I’m just reminded if the time has come to survey my inbox, and when I find strange names at the senders, I’ll ask, who da hell are these?

And I wonder more that we’ve ever mailed each others very intensively.

I think, maybe they stop mailing me coz they’re bored.

Well, coz this is Eid Mubarak, and everybody is busy for apologizing, and busy for pretending to apologize though they feel that they’re faultless at all, then I wanna apologize too.

First, to Donald Trump, second to a few fellas who bored to mail me. I tell ya, you’re fired!

I’m sorry I never contact you again, coz a few reasons:

-    I don’t play one-direct communication.

If you’re not interested of me, then I’m not interested of you, either.

If not interesting makes you feel don’t being cared about, then I’m sorry.

-    My pic ain’t for exploding the market.

Not just for men, but even though you’re a straight woman and not a lesbian.

I just remind ya that showing me off as your pal won’t make you feel greater, cooler, or getting a better job in a more extravaganzaous company.

-    I don’t care about request for private number.

I’m not meanie, but I’m sure that ya won’t believe that I don’t have any number for ya to call. Please ask 118 or 911 for getting my number.

Trust me, it’s easy to contact me via e-mail than by phone.

Beside, using phone-cell more than an hour can impair our hearing. And too much typing sms can paralyze your thumbs.

-    I don’t talk to people with ugly nicknames.

I don’t play with people with nicknames such as Miss Flash, Psycho Cool, Kutu Kupret, or something sounds like that. Skanky nickname means skanky person.

You should decide your nickname more carefully.

-    I’m not interested in merchandise business.

You can’t lean on my clients to sell your merchandise.

If my association caught me selling merchandise to my patients, they would fire me.

And stop inviting me for signing to free casino. Gambling is sinful!

-    You never response my e-mail.

I thought you’re dead of malaria, so I thought that you don’t live anymore.

So if you’re still alive now, please contact me again..